was studying my lit.
and read till the part where ruth felt sooper guilty.
and alot of things.
and i felt guilty.
abt darkie.
i noe i shldn't bcause i didn't do anythin.
but bcause of me he is rejected.
and therefore sad.
told me he wld wait.
but i don't want him to.
it wld be so unpredictable.
who can predict the future?
told him dat this isn't my pirority at the moment.
not now.
and he said he'll wait.
and guess i'm not worth it.
asked me whether i wld like him in the future.
when i am ready.
how am i to ans?
i don't noe wat to say lohz.
as i said.
everything isunpredictable.
i don't even think i might be here anymore.
when the time is ready.
there's no need to wait.
to waste yr time.
to wait when the day might just never come.
it truly is not worth it.
and theré's a whole forest out there.
stop makin urself sad.
it isn't worth it.
u're nice.
it's just me.
i don't want to be tied.
and i don't want these problems.
not now.
not yet.
i want a carefree life.
with only me and my friends in my life.
sorrie.
M O O

yesterdae evil monster was sooper busy.
she was really busy.
rushin rushin.
think she was late to go to her destination.
sigh.
hope nothin happened to her.
rush and rush.
why do ppl have to make her so busy?
everyday she rush like anything.
while i see some ppl like got nothin to do like dat?
haha.
no lah.
guess ppl just have diff things to do? *shrugs*
after the exams,
i wld do everthing i can to help her.
dat is if i can.
i'll help her run errands.
then she wldn't be so busy.:)
but guess most of the things i can't help her.
i don't mind not goin out with my friends.
eveil monster is so nice and sweet and thoughtful
very worth it to help her
haha.
maybe.
wateva.
i'll do my best to help her.
anyway,
she got no reason to say i can't help her.
cause after the exams i got nothing to do.
except obs. (:
think i want to go do voluntary work.
see 1st.
i feel like helpin someone now.
feel abit lousy and useless as i can't help her.
she so smart.
haha.
nvm.
always surely got things can help one.
maybe can help me keepin at bay?
haha
wat rubbish.
M O O

okok.
todae is a so-so dae.
nothin much.
was in a bad mood actually.
haha.
just was abit sounded irritated when tokin to everyone.
damn stressed up.
i need to do wat i have to do lohz.
i can't let miself and evil monster and whoeva down.
encourage me so much everyday.
so much.
if i don't do well.
i won't have any face to see her.
and i can't face myself.
i need to be able to DO IT.
maybe i'm stoopid and i can't do it.
but i have to.
just like how pei have to create a miracle back for her maths.
i have to create a miracle for mine.
someone told evil monster dat i have been slackin alot since sec2.
down down down.
and she told me dat.
and i feel.
stoopid.
wat's comin to me.
sad to say.
i was nv dat stoopid.
at least i thought i weren't.
then wat's happening?
a miracle has to happen.
and i noe there's not much time left.
but i will make the best use of the time.
guess just do wat i can for the mids,
but i'll make a diff nxt semster.
u'll see (:
i don't want to make her disappointed.
and shake her head.
dat she has such a ...
i can't be lousy.
i can't lose.
i need to win.
and i'm lucky.
i have good friends.
and good mommys.
and daddy.
who love me.
who'll love me if i don't win.
i must prove to myself dat i can do it.
i don't expect BIG MIRACLES
but at least a small one.
i need one.
M O O

haha.
went kino to buy mother day prezzie for my mom.
went to take train with pei and evil monster.
then toked and toked.
laughed alot.
wateva.
bcause of my blurness again?
anyway.
i got my new pencil case le.
yay.
actually wanted the lighter color one.
but don't have.
so got the darker colour one lohz.
and i hopefully am goin to get a new phone.
haha.
wateva.
lots of things todae lah.
me and pei also quite happy 2dae.
and i like pei like dat todae.
love evil monster like anything.
haha.
very nice.
ok.
must go study le.
bye bye.
M O O

todae is sunday.
tomorrow got sch.
yay. i like.
haha.
toked to pei on the phone again yesterdae.
toked bout some stuff.
and i guess i think i understand some stuff abit better now.
and i'm really glad she toked to me bout it.
haha.
at least then i will noe.
toked quite long.
2 or 3 hrs?
erbz.
don't noe.
was it dat long?
haha.
anyway tok to her always tok very long.
think i learnt quite alot of stuff.
but anyway.
i'm startin to become in a gd mood constantly.
again.
yay.
haha.
i like meself now.
made pasta yesterdae.
u noe the type with meat in the centre?
ahaha.
4got the name.
i noe pooh bear,paddington bear they all noes all the names.
all of them were boasting abt it dat time durin the geog trip.
haha.
i still remember so clearly lohz.
missed the trip.
haha.
so fun.
yay.
i guess i loved my amazing race grp lohz.
wan hui, eunice, dion , mango, pear, terry etc etc *winks*
we are like not baddin lohz.
even got 1st.
haha.
but i guess we deserved it.
we worked so hard lohz.
and of course must give abit of credit to our lao shi who ran like anything with us.
haha.
i mean.
if they were other ppl,
who wld bother to lohz.
yay.
everyone worked hard.
then missed how close the "scandolous six"were.
haha.
i mean i'm not a scandalour.
but anyhow,
i'm part of it.
i guess.
haha.
and i felt so bad.
havin to make so many ppl worry abt me.
and also so extra.
haiz.
those who noe will noe why.
haha.
anyway.
it was really great lohz.
but the fd not so great lah.
loved the tan too.
now the tan is fadin like anything already.
so i'm lookin forward to obs.
then i'll get the tan again.
yay.
obs rocks.
after the stoopid exams then i can play like anything lohz.
haha.
ok.
don't crap already.
M O O